The burden of toxic masculinity!

Yesterday, a research blog from ‘Pakistan Medical Association’ appeared in my Facebook news feed. The headline of that blog was quite disturbing for me because the percentage mentioned in the report was beyond my expectations. According to the study, research conducted by the PMA said that the male suicide rate in Pakistan is six times higher than the female suicide rate which means 34 percent of the over 22 million population’s country is affected by mental illness. As being a man in gender, this report urged me to highlight some harsh facts and solutions that could overcome this ratio.

In our world majority of the societies portray men as robots who have some pre-defined duties and they have to stick with it and anything beyond would be considered as the disgrace of their existence. Some of the common lines which we often used to hear are ‘real men do not cry’, ‘men do not feel pain’ and many more.

Imagine a scenario in which a child from birth is hearing these lines and when he grows up, at any stage of his life if he faces any severe circumstances, then this is emotionally distressing for him and he may experience suicidal thoughts. As he is not prepared to face these uncertain situations, he is tied to society’s toxic masculinity constraints.

Let’s think about what it means to be a man? Society tells that men should be strong, dependable, and be able to provide for their families. But according to studies on why men commit suicide, high suicide rates are linked to the risk factors such as the history of being abused as a child, a breakdown in relationships and financial difficulty, or unemployment. It means if anybody is facing any of the above situations, he is at risk of suicide. Because when men feel they cannot meet those expectations, they consider it their own fault.

Mental health is as important as oxygen for us, do not sweep under the carpet the mental health issue, it is a dire need to rethink these stereotypes. It is not a sudden decision to die; it is our inappropriate behaviors that act as a slow poison for that person.

I am inviting all of the genders to reconsider the expectations that we have of men in society and reconsider how we view the men who have the courage to show vulnerability. I am inviting society to ask men how they are really doing in their life. And we should respond to them with an empathetic attitude that it is normal to face failures. Life does not stop with these incidents.

Written by Wajid Ali | Lahore